Born on the Fourth of July
What My Boys Taught Me About Time, Trades, and the Life I Almost Missed
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Fourteen years ago, my twin boys were born on the Fourth of July. That day changed my life more dramatically than almost anything else, and it changed it in ways I am still discovering. If you want the full story of how Max and Mason came into the world, you can read about it here.
Fatherhood Changed How I Saw Everything
Becoming a father completely reordered how I saw the world. It also gave me a deeper appreciation for my own dad. And I shared my mom’s story last week. There is something about holding your own child that makes you understand your parents in a way you never could before.
The Time Crunch Nobody Warns You About
When the boys were born, I was suddenly in a time crunch I had never experienced. I could not work all hours anymore. I wanted to be home with those two boys, and they required more of my time than anything ever had. Here is something nobody tells you about twins. When you have one baby, and that baby falls asleep, you get to sleep too. When you have two, what are the odds they both go down at the same time? Slim to none. I can remember standing up, rocking one of them, and literally falling asleep on my feet.
Every Yes Is a No to Something Else
Life is always a series of trades. I have written before about how time is your most valuable asset, and when our boys were born is when I truly started to appreciate this concept. Every time you say yes to one thing, you are saying no to something else. I realized almost immediately that I needed to work less. That meant I was done by 5:30 at the latest, no matter what was sitting on my desk. It meant I was done working weekends. As a business owner, you can work twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. I like to say that work will fill whatever time you allow it to fill. If you do not draw the line, nobody draws it for you.
We also realized television had to go. We canceled our TV service shortly after the boys were born, because we were dedicated to soaking up every minute with them. But before I get to that, I have to go back further, to the pregnancy itself.
When Jana was pregnant with the boys, we went in every week for ultrasounds, because there was a chance they had a condition that could have been fatal. That kind of news has a way of changing your perspective overnight. We had a friend who lost one of her twins during that same stretch of time, and after that, our entire pregnancy became a countdown. Take it easy. Keep those boys in there as long as possible. Jana threw up more times than I can count during those months, and she never once complained about it. She kept a smile on her face through all of it, because healthy boys were the only goal that mattered.
When they were finally born, the delivery itself was scarier than anything we had prepared for. But even in the middle of that fear, we found incredible joy. And when we got home with two newborns and zero sleep, we did not care about the sleepless nights, because we had healthy babies in our arms. Sometimes life throws you a curveball specifically to hand you perspective. You just have to be willing to catch it.
My wife had dreamed of being a mom her whole life, and when those boys arrived, she transformed into an incredible mother right in front of me. Her attitude through it all, the ultrasounds, the delivery, the diaper changes, was a masterclass in gratitude. I am a huge believer in growth and progress, in working to make tomorrow better than today. But I learned from Jana that you have to do that while also appreciating how fortunate you already are right now. I have written before about my dad’s forty year battle with MS, and that experience taught me never to take my own health for granted. Appreciate what you have while you have it.
You have a choice every single day in how you respond to what is in front of you. Is that blowout diaper truly a disaster, or is it the greatest gift in the world, the chance to change a diaper on a healthy child? Jana chose the second version every time, and it is a perspective that still sticks with me today. You cannot control the situation. You can only choose your reaction to it.
Less Time, More Money
Here is the part that surprised me most. Working fewer hours did not cost me income. It did the opposite. It forced me to make better business decisions, better trades between my time and my money, and to be far more purposeful with the hours I did have. I ended up making more money working less, not because I found a shortcut, but because scarcity made me sharper.
A Season of Milestones
These last few months have been full of milestones. I celebrated my 50th birthday. We passed the three year anniversary of my dad’s passing. I had a wonderful Father’s Day with my boys in Omaha, even though I wished more than anything my own dad could have been there too. And just a few days ago, those same boys turned fourteen. Milestones like these have a way of forcing you to reflect. Time keeps moving whether you pay attention to it or not.
I Am Not Off Cruise Control Either
Most people have their life on cruise control. I understand why. Cruise control is comfortable. But comfortable is not the same as intentional.
I am not writing this from some perfect vantage point where every hour of my day is optimized and every minute counts. I waste time too. There are still days I get to the end of and wonder where the hours went, days I let slip into the couch instead of into my life. We all do. Nobody gets off cruise control completely, and anyone who tells you they have is not being honest with you. The goal is not perfection. The goal is to keep those wasted days to a minimum, and to notice when you are drifting instead of letting the drift become the norm.
Change One Habit Today
It starts smaller than people think. It starts with one habit. Pick the thing that is keeping you stuck in neutral, whether that is an extra hour of television, scrolling your phone in bed, or whatever your version of autopilot looks like, and swap it for something that moves you forward. Trade the TV for a walk. Trade the scroll for ten minutes with your kid before bed. You do not need to overhaul your whole life today. You need to change one habit today, and let that be the thing that gets you off cruise control.
Get off of it. Disrupt the routine. Cherish what is in front of you, because it will not stay in front of you forever. Make the most of today.
Start Bold
Name the one habit that is keeping you stuck in neutral right now.
Pick one thing to replace it with this week, something small and specific.
Protect one hour this week, no matter what, for the people who matter most.
Your Turn
If you have kids, what is the moment that changed how you thought about time? I would love to hear it in the comments.
Minor in money. Major in life.
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The BOLD Life is for people who want to build wealth without losing themselves in the process. People who want their success to strengthen their health, relationships, purpose, and freedom rather than compete with them. If that’s the kind of life you’re building, you’re in the right place. If you’re new here, welcome. Start with The Blueprint of a BOLD Life to get a feel for the framework, then read whatever draws your attention. Every post stands on its own.
Don’t drift. Live boldly.
P.S. Happy birthday to my boys. I wouldn't trade these 14 years of time to be with anyone else.
A couple thoughts:
1. I agree that gratitude is the secret to a joyful heart in all situations. We need to be reminded of this often, so thank you.
2. I constantly remind myself that our time with our kids is limited and is flying by. So even when it is 98 degrees outside, I still push myself to throw batting practice to my son. It’s always worth it.
I have a toddler and balancing work, and motherhood is always at the forefront of my mind. The biggest motivator for me more recently is when he started asking me " Will you make it night?" for when to expect me home. It started in the dead of winter when sunset comes early, but it has significantly impacted how I view my afternoons and making the commitment to always make it home to enjoy sunset with him. You are right: the work takes as long as you let it, and it will always be there, but those precious night bike rides can be the highlight of my day.
As far as the habit I've been swapping? I have a key holder by the door, and I drop my phone in it when I walk through the door to give my family my full attention. Physically putting the phone up has removed the temptation to check email or doomscroll.